I can’t believe you were in my life for so long. Well, thirty eight years to be exact. I remember when we first met, I was eight years old. And I clearly remember the day my dad introduced me to you. It was Boxing Day 1974. I was very excited to meet you and I remember thinking how comforting you were to me and how happy I was in your company. You weren’t my best friend at that point but I was always happy to see you when you were there. You came in and out of my life but only when my dad was there to chaperone and my mum wasn’t there to see you. We had a very on-off relationship until I was about eleven years old. By that age I was old enough to baby-sit for families in our street. And I would meet you regularly in other people’s houses when I was alone because you were my secret friend. I knew that grown ups would disapprove of our relationship but I didn’t care. It wasn’t long until you were in my life on a daily basis. I loved having you around because you always gave me strength, love, confidence and hope. All the things I so desperately wanted but never seemed to get from anyone or anywhere else. I knew that with you by my side I could sleep at night…and I slowly feel in love with you. As I grew into adulthood you were always there and I knew I could always rely on you. You eased my pain, my self doubt and boosted my self esteem. By the time I was in my early twenties our relationship was sealed. We grew together. We muddled along you and I. I got married when I was thirty and my husband didn’t seem to mind having you around. I worked long hours and then we relaxed together in the evenings. My husband Dave worked shifts, so he never knew how much time we spent together. And even when he was at home he didn’t seem to care. In fact sometimes he would join us, but he could take or leave you when the mood suited him. I finally got pregnant after losing three babies and even though this baby was staying I still relaxed with you, but not quite as often. After Alfie was born I suffered with post-natal depression. I was glad I had you for company and I started to need you more and more. You never let me feel alone, or useless and worthless and I was so very grateful to you for that. It was around three years ago that I started to get quite possessive over you. I loved you so much and I didn’t want to ever have to share you with anyone. We would sit alone upstairs and just enjoy each other’s company. I honestly thought you were my very best friend. I knew that whatever was happening in my life you’d always be there to love and protect me and with you by my side I could deal with any challenge that came my way. Very gradually I felt as though you were starting to take over. There were times when I didn’t really want you. It was as though you wanted me more than I wanted you. I’d come to a point where you’d started to suffocate me and I tried to pull away and distance myself from you but you wouldn’t let me. I was thinking about you all the time, obsessing over you. I grew very resentful and angry with you, but however hard I tried to get away from you, you were always there. You started to dictate how I lived my life, controlled every aspect of it. By now I hated you with a vengeance. I could no longer have you as a secret friend. You turned on me and I could no longer cope on my own. I was ashamed that I wasn’t strong enough to deflect you. I needed help. That is why I have had to walk away from you forever. At this moment in time, I still miss you. Sometimes I physically ache for the comfort I know you can bring me but I cannot allow you back in my life. I see you now for what you really are deceitful, manipulating and controlling. You were my best friend and I would like to say it’s been nice knowing you but really you were my worst enemy in disguise. Goodbye Alcohol I hope you rot in hell. Deb
I no longer have to have you as my secret friend. You have turned on me and now I can cope on my own. Own. I don’t need you. You were deceitful, manipulating. Don’t need you, you were controlling, my enemy. I don’t need you. I have to say goodbye. Say goodbye.