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another story


The day I had a baby girl was the happiest day of my life. I was so excited because there’s nine boys in our family, she was the first grand daughter. And I couldn’t wait for the day she made her Holy Communion. So when she was around eight years old it was time to start preparing for that and I just couldn’t wait for that day. And we’d go looking for dresses and talk about it and I attended all the preparation masses. I was really excited about it. And then the day finally arrived, and it was in my house and we’d had the hair dresser there and you know everyone had come round to see her before. And she was so excited and so was I. I just wanted it to be the best day for Eve.

And then I put Eve to bed, to get ready for in the morning. I had tidied round and made sure everything was ok. And I was conscious of me mum not being there and it made me feel really sad. I would’ve done anything for her to be there and see her in the dress. So Eve was in bed and I was downstairs on me own and me friend rang me, my best friend, and told me that she couldn’t come. I was absolutely fuming with her, because she knew, how like, worried I was about you know, not enough people being there or not having enough family around. So I ended up having a real bad argument with her on the phone and I was absolutely fuming and panicking. So I got myself a drink and scored. Just to deal with the way I was feeling. And I told myself, I’ll have these and that’s it and then I’ll get it bed by you know twelve o’clock. Because the communion was at nine o’clock in the morning. But I carried on using and drinking throughout the night.

And then it come to a certain point, I could see the lights coming through the blinds. The morning was starting to come. I had a big stack of money on the mantle piece, it just kept going down and down, I was taking more out of it. Twenty pound, thirty pound….fifty pound, it was just going down, down. I looked over there was only some of it left and that was to pay for the limousine, the buffet, the disco, this great big party I’d arranged. And I had no way of getting that money back, I just didn’t know what the hell I was going to do. I was absolutely terrified, horrified and I got more drugs with the last of the money. It was just madness, pacing up and down the house. Kept looking at the dress all the time.

It was just unbelievable, what…the realisation of what I’d done and I knew Eve was about to get up anytime in about the next half an hour. And I was just drinking and drinking and using and using and then she got up. And I can remember being at the bottom of the stairs and I looked up, she was at the top and I just had to pretend I was ok and go along with….And go along with like, the excitement of the party and say we have to get ready now. And I lied and said I have to go to Karen’s, this is my friend, I’ve got to go and get your cake, I won’t be long I said to her. And she was saying, why mum, why?